Living Life Forward

The American Dream

2011-04-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

There is this wrestling between heart and mind, nature and will, ideals and cultural realities. Everything I dream to be my society does not easily allow. Thus I long for other societies, other cultures and ways of living. My fears are built upon my societal upbringing. Man must build for himself his own kingdom, not relying on any other, autonomous and self-sustained. I’ve seen this philosophy build and destroy, leaving people empty and constantly craving more.

“What have I worked for all of my life?”

“What have I really sacrificed in order to gain the life I was told I needed to have?”

The dream they took on was not their own, but one contrived and conformed, sold to each person in a safe and neatly decorated box. The American dream has killed imaginations and replaced them with entertainment that does our imagining for us. We are no longer active participants in our own dreams, thoughts, lives, but have taken the role of bystanders allowing others the luxury of actually living. We have chosen to watch them live from the safety of our own homes. We watch color TV in black and white worlds.

Growing Pains

2011-02-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

There is a battle within me. An army of insecurities, fears, selfishness, & pride war against God’s desire for me and my obedience to it. It seems my flesh takes up arms against any sort of internal growth. Within my heart there is rebellion: a child with stomping feet and hurling fists, a deceptive adolescent with rolling eyes and a ruthless tongue. These demons are meant to be driven out, but they fight hard. These pains are healthy; leading to growth, redemption, and bringing us one step closer to righteousness. The battle wounds become the roads on which we travel in our pursuit of the abundant life. The scars and disfigurements bring about wisdom and remembrance of the journey. And we remain hopeful for the day when all things are made right; redeemed, reconciled and perfect.

So here are a few more of my creative ventures:

2011-01-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

1) For Christmas we wrapped all of our gifts using newspaper (because it was free material) so I decided to try and get a little creative! This one was for my nieces who are 12 & 13 and are in to playing guitar and writing their own songs, so I emphasized the picture of Taylor Swift :) I made the bow out of the mulit-colored portion of the newspaper.

2) Also for Christmas, we made everyone candles out of thrift store tins, which I mentioned in a previous post. This was my favorite tin candle that I made, which was gift to my sister Heather. I just think this tin is so beautiful!

3) I was on my favorite blog and saw where THIS, and decided to try my hand at it. It's not exactly what I envisioned making, but it was my first attempt. I used scratch paper (old flyers from work that were going to be thrown out) and stitched the word "THANKS" on the front of the card. I put two together so that the print from the flyer would not show. I kept the two papers together by punching holes around the edges and threading yarn through, tying a bow at the top.

I know I am not the most talented artist or creator, but these crafts are truly therapeutic for me and even when they're not exactly what you'd hoped they be, you just feel good for having made something!

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words

2011-01-21T07:11:00.000-08:00

So, I discovered this really great website: www.wordle.net, which allows you to enter in an obscene amount of text and it analyzes it and creates a word picture with the words used most. The larger the word, the more it is used. I decided to do this with all of the text in my blog to see the result. Well, here it is:

Click on the picture to see it full size!

Pip's

2011-01-11T07:29:00.000-08:00

So, awhile back my friend Miha and I decided that we were going to start making and selling jewelry, accessories and maybe eventually clothing. Our online boutique will be called Pip's, a nickname I gave to Miha on a day where we were being particularly silly, which is not too unusual for us. We've been dreaming, brainstorming, and buying materials for some time now, but last night we finally made our first product...Button Earrings! They turned out great making it all the more difficult for us not to just want to keep them for ourselves.

One of our goals with Pip's is providing unique, handmade jewelry at a price WE would pay (and lucky for you we're serious bargain shoppers!). Our next step is to work on packaging and displays and I think we have some really creative ideas that we are so excited about...now we're working on making our dreams and ideas tangible!

New Years' Resolution

2011-01-06T13:30:00.000-08:00

Noah and I decided that this year we would make a very different New Years' Resolution than we ever had before. Yes, like everyone else we are going on diets because of the toll the holidays have taken on physiques, but that is not our resolution. We have decide that this year we will strive to be more creative! We want to shift ourselves towards creating more than consuming.

Christmas was actually a great start for us! We had no money to buy gifts this year so we decided to make gifts rather than not give at all. By doing this we were actually able to give to more people than we ever have in the past and it was so much more rewarding to see people really love something that you've made especially for them! This year we made candles. We went to Goodwill's, Salvation Army's, and every thrift store possible buying up unique tins. I got soy wax and wicks at an affordable price online and learned how to make them here: http://www.designspongeonline.com/2010/11/diy-project-ashleys-vintage-tin-candles.html

This website has become one of my favorites as far as inspiring creativity.
For Christmas, Noah bought me a book on how to make my own journals. It teaches you different bindings and gives many ideas for materials to use for different looks. I already created one:

The binding isn't technically correct and the materials I used were not quite what they recommended, but it inspired me to CREATE!

I am loving this journey and I am going to try to begin posting my creations as I can and I hope you will share yours as well. Let's inspire each other to live creatively!

The song my heart right now:

2010-11-08T08:18:00.000-08:00

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

And the test begins . . . NOW!

2010-11-03T09:45:00.001-07:00

As most of you know, Noah lost his job a while back, decided to go back to school to finish his degree, and we've been living off of my income (that word even seems too big to describe what I make). Well, things have been going great! Our bank account, while diminishing some, was still in decent shape and we could essentially pay all of our bills, get groceries, and even have money for any unexpected payments that might come our way. I would talk about how I trusted God to provide, which is true, but really I knew our bank account had enough to provide for us at the time, so my trust was more a background belief than something I had to actively choose.

Well, a few days ago I went online to check our bank statement and was instantly fighting off a panic attack. What was left was puny, pathetic, and frankly. . .terrifying!

GASP! How will we pay our bills? Pay rent? Buy groceries? Buy gas? SURVIVE??

As you can obviously see my trust wasn't really in God's provision, but in that God would keep my bank account at a decent, and what I deemed appropriate, level. Well, we are now faced with the test of actively trusting God on a daily basis. I have to be honest and confess that I don't always pass, at least not in my initial reaction to things. Sometimes it takes some time and convincing before I'm in a place where I can rest in the promises that have been given to me.

My emotions are so conflicting because some days I will be depressed and envious of others, while other days I am literally excited because I know that we now get to witness some truly awesome moments where God takes care of us in ways we could not have imagined! He's already provided for us before we even saw what was left in our account!

Example: Every semester my office does an event in which I have to work all weekend and late nights throughout the week. I have always had to bank those hours and just use them for paid vacation time, as overtime was never an option. This most recent one, my boss informed me that I could get paid overtime for all of the extra hours I worked! She also gave me another opportunity to get some overtime this week. She still doesn't know of the recent, all-time-low, our bank account has hit.

God provides!

So, I'm ready to take on this adventure of sacrifice, trust, poverty, miracles, refining, and all of the learning that will take place about myself and my God.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 5:3-12

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

James 1:2-4

2010-10-07T06:33:00.000-07:00

I woke up starving today. I ate right before I went to bed and still woke up so hungry! Then, as I’m getting ready to go to work, Noah texts me to tell me that today is Chick-fil-a’s free biscuit day and to go before work and get one! That sounds like a blessing doesn’t it?! Well, I guess I forgot to mention that today is the day I committed to fasting.

Just to preface, I tried fasting only once before in my life, and let’s just say it was unsuccessful at best. My attitude towards the whole thing was terrible! I was grumpy all day without food and rather than turning to God for true fulfillment and to identify with Him in His suffering, I prayed only that He would take my hunger away (not quite understanding at the time that this was the main purpose of a fast…feeling hunger). I ended the day breaking my fast and giving in to my carnal hunger all the while thinking to myself “fasts are so stupid!”. I wish I was exaggerating.

So, you may wonder, “why in the world would you commit to fasting with that kind of experience to look back on?” Well, I know I had the wrong mindset through the whole occasion. I also believe that fasting is very powerful and, through self-evaluation, realize that I have never put myself in a place of being able to, on even the smallest level, identify with the sufferings of Christ. One thing I’ve learned about myself, and this is extremely difficult to admit, is that I turn into a monster the moment I am hungry and cannot eat, tired and cannot sleep, craving something that I cannot have, or made slightly uncomfortable in any way that deprives me of something I really want. Disgusting isn’t it? I think about those people starving all across the world who are still praising God and I turn into grumpy ogre the moment I don’t have my coffee. I pretend I could be as strong as those who go without and even dream of traveling to help them, but the reality is they are closer to God than I and I am the one who has so much to learn from them. So, I am not fasting today to change the world, although it greatly needs it. I am fasting in desperation that God change the selfish, spoiled person that is me.

Please pray for me as I fast today. Pray that I honestly seek God in moments of hunger, pain, frustration, and weakness. Just a side note: God has given me great peace and joy this morning. I know it may not last all day but I am so thankful for it now.

The Revolutionary

2010-08-25T11:20:00.000-07:00

It’s growing old. I’m getting tired.
All youthful naivety has fled,
Leaving behind a fervent cynicism & desperate hope to overcome it.
If I am a part of the Bride, the Body,
What happens when I begin to resent my own arm, leg, eye, mouth?
Confusion is a daily battle as I’m constantly left in wonder as to what I’m supposed to do or where I’m supposed to be.
Unsure whether to fight or flee.
What once was a place of peace and rest now stirs up apprehension in my heart.
I know there is a place for the broken, the fixed, the sinner, the obedient, the faithful, & the struggling.
But what about a place for the different?
Is there a place for me?

Changes in the Journey

2010-08-04T06:41:00.000-07:00

Life has been very strange lately. My husband lost his job a couple of months ago and has since decided to go back to school rather than pursue another dead-end full time job. As you can imagine this changes things. We are now living off of one salary, with a little help from unemployment. I am thankful for my job and the ability for Noah and I to take classes for free, but I must be honest, its wages are inconsequential. It's funny how most people imagine themselves in situations where they have to make it work and they know that if they had to they could. Well, we are choosing to make it work rather than continue the same pattern of empty jobs. I have found that there is almost a greater sense of freedom when you have to make it work, but when you choose this lifestyle you take on the responsibility of your decision. Ultimately, what keeps me feeling free in this choice is that I think it is wise for Noah to get a degree in something that stretches and fulfills him and I know that God will provide for us in all circumstances. I am actually excited to see the many ways in which His provision will be shown.

Another opportunity that Noah and I have been faced with is in giving. We have always said that we want to give in our riches and in our poverty. We are now able to practice the latter and test the words that were so easy to speak and believe. It's amazing how when you honestly view your things as not your own they have no control over you. What you once feared to lose you now would freely give away. No doubt, this journey will be arduous and challenging, but I'm excited and, for perhaps the first time in my life, change is welcomed.

2010-06-25T11:17:00.001-07:00

An unfamiliar pain seeps into my soul

Giving birth to a numbness that had long been elapsed

A history of hurt crawling through my veins

Finding residence in my heart once more

Like a homecoming for an unwanted guest

How long will this sadness inhabit my spirit?

Glimpses of My Heart

2010-05-03T09:27:00.000-07:00

Pure Goodness

2010-04-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

Our good friends Mark and Rachel Brewer have created an amazing website dedicated to everything good regarding health, wellness, spirituality, and basically taking care of ourselves and the earth. They asked Noah and I to co-write an article about our recent ventures with trying to lessen our amount of waste and recycle what we can. To read our article just click the link below:

http://www.puregoodness.net/hope/Entries/2010/4/8_The_Choice_is_Ours.html

I hope you will take the time to look through their site as it has so much valuable information to offer!

It’s Sew Time!

2010-03-10T08:18:00.001-08:00

One morning I received an e-mail from my sister, who sends me regular updates and prayer requests for Haiti and those who are living, serving, and suffering there. Haiti is of particular importance to my sister and all of our family. Not only is Haiti where she adopted one of my beautiful nephews from, but she has also spent time ministering to the people for whom she has a special calling and heart for.

The e-mail expressed that an organization that she gives to and supports needs people to sew some simple items and ship them to Haiti. They are in need of items like cloth diapers, simple dresses for little girls to wear, aprons, etc. I had been wanting to learn how to sew for some time and realized that there was no better way to learn than to have women get together for this beautiful cause.

I invited both women who knew how to sew and also those who did not in hopes that each person could either teach or learn in order to be able to give abundantly to those in need! We had about 13 women crammed in my tiny living/dining room space along with 2 tables, 3 sewing machines, and 30 pillowcases to work with!

The night was more successful than I could have imagined! At the end of the night we had completed 4 pillowcase dresses and had all of the others in progressed stages of the process. Keep in mind this is with only 2 people actually knowing how to sew!

The next Tuesday we continued with about 5 women and ended the night completing 13 dresses for a total of 17 altogether! We will finish the full 30 and I cannot wait to see pictures of those beautiful little girls wearing our dresses!

To view the organization's blog and learn more about the needs and how you can help go to:

http://haitirescuecenter.wordpress.com/2010/02/15/sewing-projects/

To read an article written by my dear friend Rachel Brewer and view more pictures visit her website at:

http://www.puregoodness.net/hope/Entries/2010/2/24_Its_Sew_Time.html

No Fear in Love

2009-10-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

I have always been very transparent about my fear about...well...everything. I have always struggled with serious anxiety and although I had a long break from the daily experience, lately it has come back in full force. I have taken medicine for this anxiety in the past and it helped tremendously, but I've been battling the idea of taking it again. I don't have any problem with taking medicine for problems like this, especially when one has a chemical imbalance or biological issues which are difficult to overcome. My struggle is a personal one; one in which I am not sure if I am taking the easy way out with medicine and not trusting enough in God. Please don’t take me wrong; I am not an advocate for the notion that medicine is wrong and that your faith is what heals, but I just wonder sometimes if I personally do not trust in God enough.

During our last Expressions service, a mid-week service that my husband leads at our church, we went around and expressed our greatest fear. When it came to be my turn to share I couldn’t narrow it down to any one thing. I realized that I fear so much and that this fear has a great impact on my everyday life. Our church’s vision statement and overall motto is “Love God, Love People”. I started thinking about the verse in 1 John: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18) I began reflecting on how my fears keep me from fully loving God and others.

If Christ is for me, then who can be against me? If I am more than a conqueror than what have I to fear? The circumstances of my life do not warrant such outstanding fear, yet the simplest thing can cause me to experience anxiety that literally makes me ill. I can only look inwardly when I claim to diligently follow and know my Savior and yet experience very little peace. What or who is it that I am relying on to satisfy this need? What idol is in place in my life that I look to for the peace only promised by my Creator?

Lord, help me to seek You first. Help me to surrender my anxiety and the chaos I feel and allow you to carry my burdens. I pray that I do this and experience the simplicity of your Yoke and the lightness of Your burden.

2009-10-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

Meaningless.

I feel as if I spend the majority of my days, weeks, months, years doing worthless tasks that have an empty purpose. I am stuck in an environment where being myself is not an option and I’m becoming numb to portraying the kind of fakeness that I loathe in others.

I find myself staring out of my office, passed rows of cubicles, through the outline of chairs and boxes and out of a lonely window where I can sometimes see the wind blowing the branches and leaves on the tree just outside of it.

I long to be free from this futility…to be climbing that tree rather than gazing at it through glass panes.

I feel the urge to cry, and yet find no tears to satisfy this inclination.

Answer me this...

2009-10-01T10:59:00.000-07:00

If our battle is not against flesh and blood, why do we label each other as enemies?

(Ephesians 6:12)

If we are instructed by Christ to turn the other cheek & love those who persecute us, how is a righteous war possible?

(Matthew 5:38-41-44; Luke 27-36)

If love is keeping no record of wrong, why do we store the sins of others in our minds?

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

When we judge the sins of others do we not make light of God’s kindness, patience, & tolerance?

(Romans 2:3-4)

When we ourselves are corrupt, how can we choose who deserves the forgiveness of God?

(Romans 2:1)

If we are to seek the will of the Father and He wills that no man should perish, should we not yearn for that also, making every attempt to show the character of Christ in our lives?

(Matthew 6: 9-10, 26:42; Mark 14:36; Luke 2:49, 11:2 [NKJV]; John 5:30, 8:28-29; 2 Peter 3:9)

2009-06-08T10:54:00.000-07:00

Many times I do not understand the events in my life. It seems to come at me so fast that I can’t really process it until the decision has been made. Noah and I have really been striving to recognize and listen to the Spirit of God in our lives. We both realized that we had been limiting the Spirit’s work to salvation only and had never really acknowledged its role in leading and guiding our lives. Our journey hasn’t been the same ever since. We have been strengthened with new opportunities and challenges, and reminded regularly of pursuing obedience to the heart of Christ. This journey is difficult, scary, and absolutely beautiful. What I have found is that, in listening to the Spirit, situations, opportunities, and possibilities have presented themselves in ways that are hard to fully prepare for. I tend to be a bit of a control freak, so this has completely knocked me out of my comfort zone. I worry about everything that I can’t control, fully knowing that even what I think I can control is merely an illusion, and also fully knowing that if I could control anything at all it would be an utter disaster. Apparently what I know in my heart isn’t very good at convincing what I think in my head. God is bringing us through something wonderful and I’m not quite sure why. I don’t have great faith, great obedience, great self-control, great talent, or even great prayers. Maybe it’s my mediocrity that is appealing as anything done through me would obviously be from a great God and not of anything that I could produce. That’s beside the point really, as it doesn’t matter who, why, or how. For whatever reason, God is working and I am excited to be a part of it. It is a beautiful thing when you begin to see more of God and others and less of yourself. I pray that God will help me to continue on that path and not stray or wander into selfishness or pride. I pray that as God’s work is done that I will be humbled and He will be exalted.

Tension is a Passing Note

2009-02-19T10:49:00.000-08:00

The following are lyrics from a Sixpence None the Richer song titled Tension is a Passing Note. The chorus of these lyrics fit exactly what my previous post, Beauty in the Tension, is referring to. God's process of bringing us to a beautiful place is painful and confusing, but there is nothing greater than having to learn to trust Him more.

do I murder when I forget you from afar
too drunk on the poison of endless roads and the countless smokey bars

but tension is to be loved
when it is like a passing note
to a beautiful, beautiful chord

do I murder us putting pavement in my veins
shooting in special heroin for the seeking and displaced

but tension is to be loved
when it is like a passing note
to a beautiful, beautiful chord

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...

2009-02-18T07:05:00.000-08:00

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. --Matthew 18:21-22

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." --Mark 11:25-26

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. --Colossians 3:13-15

Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. -- Psalm 19:12-14

Beauty in the Tension

2009-02-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

I have really been struggling lately with anxiety. There isn’t one big thing that I am anxious about, just lots of little things that are adding up in my world. I go throughout my day continually feeling panic as if I have forgotten something or missed something important. There may be no rational reason for the panic but I feel it, over and over again. I started thinking about why I get in these states of anxiety and where they come from. I’m beginning to realize that they come, at least for me, when I am experiencing the tension before a change.

For those who know me, you know that I have never been one who enjoys the process of change. I can appreciate it after I have gone through it and see the outcome, but going through it terrifies me more than anything. Perhaps it’s because I over think everything, analyzing every possibility repetitively until I’ve exhausted myself. I am the opposite of carefree.

I feel like, for some reason, God is allowing me to remain in the tension that takes place before a change occurs. I believe He is teaching me to not only trust in Him for security, but also to do something that I don’t know I have ever truly done…be led by His Spirit. Don’t get me wrong. I have pursued God and His will, but I can’t say that I have made many everyday life decisions based off the Spirit’s leading. This may sound terrible for someone who is a Christ-follower, but when I really think about it I make most decisions based on whether I can justify them in my own mind, whether they are what I have always been taught, whether I have the approval of others, etc… I feel like if I was really making even smaller life decisions based on the leading of the Holy Spirit then I would not be so comfortable. I would definitely be giving up more than I am now. My “sacrifices” are only what I feel fit within my comfort level. God is changing me, and frankly, I’m scared of what He is going to ask of me.

In Shane Claiborne’s book, Irresistible Revolution, he mentions two men who were talking about their salvation experiences. The one man told the other that when he got saved everything came together and became right. The other man replied said that when Jesus came into his life, He completely tore his world apart and messed everything up. I have more or less always felt like the first man, and am now realizing that maybe that is because I was living out an “American Christianity” complete with stage productions and an easy-living, God doesn’t want you to suffer (i.e. God doesn’t want you to give up your luxuries) kind of thinking. I am now, for the first time ever, beginning to truly experience the sentiments of the second man. God is ripping my world apart and rearranging everything according to His priorities. It is scary but so needed.

I am excited to see what God does, and what is in store for the future. In that, I am finding beauty in the tension.

Shepherd and Sheep

2009-01-08T07:45:00.000-08:00

It's interesting when we find ourselves in a situation that causes us to realize how easy we really have it in life. Maybe it's just the fear of a possible change that brings us to a place of incredible appreciation for the way things are now. It's funny what we take for granted and how it takes either losing or coming close to losing it before we can be thankful for it. Why do we live like this…in this constant pendulum swing from one extreme to another; in this state of standing right on the edge until we begin to slip? What makes us so stubborn and un-teachable?

I understand why God compares us to children and even sheep. Sometimes I feel like that child who hears my Father’s voice telling me not to touch, and yet I slowly reach my hand toward the forbidden object kind of peeking out of the corner of my eye to see if I will be stopped. And when I finally reach out and touch it and get hurt, I cry and ask my Father why He let me touch it in the first place. This seems to be the cycle for many sometimes. I pray that one day I will grow to the point where I don’t feel the need to touch the things my Father tells me to stay away from.

I even feel like this when it comes to my own contentment versus my need for God. When things are going well, I recognize that I “need” God, but rarely do I ever call upon Him. It’s only when things start to slip out of my control that I enact that need. When life is good I recognize how much God takes care of me and blesses me even when I don’t deserve it, however when life gets crazy I find it harder to recognize such things.

I am thankful for a God who is patient with me through my worst moments, and whose love doesn’t depend on my obedience or faithfulness. I am thankful for my Shepherd, who carries me on His shoulders back to safety.

Flight from Hell

2008-12-30T12:25:00.000-08:00

After a wonderful vacation visiting Noah's family in Florida for Christmas it was time to go home. We had to wake up at 4:30am to make it through all of the check-ins in time for our flight at 7:00am. I had gotten hardly any sleep and woke up feeling incredibly nauseous (I get that way when I don't get sleep). As we are driving to the airport we had to pull over twice because I got sick. At the airport the lines were like I had never seen, and luckily Noah was there to hold our spot because I was running back and forth to the bathroom up until the time when were ready to check our bags and get our boarding passes. There were more lines to follow, but the actual plane ride was the craziest part of the day.

The entire plane ride I am holding a bag to my face trying not to get sick while chaos is all around me. First, the woman in front of us realized that she had left her phone at the check point. She told the flight attendants and begged them to let her run and get it before the flight took off, however she was informed that they were not allowed to let anyone get off of the plane unless they remain off. They told her that they would call the check point and have them look for it and do all they can to get the phone to the plane before take off. As the plane began to leave for the runway the woman anxiously asked the flight attendants, "what about my phone??". They told her that no one had found it but that they would have them continue looking for it to possibly send it to her as the plane had to leave (we were already about 45 minutes late from taking off as it was). She became frantic. She cried and yelled blaming the flight attendants for anything and everything. She literally reacted as if she had left a small child behind, and Noah and I were scared that she would end up being escorted off of the plane. She finally calmed down after awhile realizing there was nothing left to be done.

For the rest of the flight a young child, probably 4 or 5, screamed in the highest pitched tone the entire flight while her parents did nothing. We sat there listening to her scream to the top of her lungs in fury...me still trying not to get sick. After the flight at the baggage claim we saw the child swinging punches at her mother and realized this was just their way of living...I immediately thought of the show Nanny 911 (I despise that show, but kind of wished she were there for that moment).

Needless to say I was never more thankful to be home in my bed in my entire life.

Murphy's Law

2008-12-17T09:01:00.000-08:00

You know when you have those days where everything, large or small, goes wrong? Well…that was my whole week last week and it is now spilling over into this one. It seems as though Murphy’s Law has taken over my life and is not ready to relinquish a moment of it quite yet. I have found it true that at this time anything that can go wrong will.

I have been pulled over twice in the past three days because of an overdue inspection, and even after showing the second officer (who was a very bitter female I might add) the ticket and telling her that I was taking my car in for inspection on Friday she still decided to ticket me, and all with an attitude and rolling eyes…I just love being treated like the scum of the earth.
After having my internship lined up for next semester I found out at the very last minute that I wasn’t even enrolled in school and that I would have to re-apply, I was behind in my Christian service hours, so I would have to get approval from their office to do an internship, and then I could begin getting the million signatures needed to complete my internship papers. Not to mention that it is the holidays and some of the people I need to sign these papers are going to be out of town. So, I am praying that they will let me still do the internship next semester even though my paperwork will be insanely late, but I must say, with all of my recent ill-fated encounters, I’m not holding my breath (the way things are going even holding my breath would probably result in immediately suffocation).

I would love to believe that all of this junk that I am experiencing is ultimately leading me to a huge blessing that God has waiting for me, but to be honest I think Christians over use that mindset, thinking that whenever we go through bad times it’s just because Satan is attacking because God is about to do something wonderful. And, maybe that is the truth…I’ve seen it happen a lot, but I also know that you cannot put God in a box. He doesn’t work in a formula, and when he doesn’t “come through” with some amazing blessing after a time of hardship we become disappointed in Him and feel as if He has failed us. When really, we have wrong beliefs and rather than getting to know who God really is, we expect Him to meet our expectations of Him.

Anyways, all this to say…life kind of sucks right now…tis the season, I guess.

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men

2008-12-16T06:22:00.000-08:00

Amidst the commercialism, consumerism, and ever other -ism that surrounds the Christmas season there is a truth that pierces the heart of greed, glutony and the prideful spirit of "bigger & better". An active truth that brought the light of God into the darkness of our world. A truth that brought Emmanuel: God with us. God living with us, interacting with us, hurting with us, loving with us, and even suffering and dying with us. His birth was the ultimate act of humility, His death the ultimate act of love, and His resurrection was the ultimate act of triumph...this is our God. He is our hope for a world where there truly is peace on earth like we hear in the songs on the radio throughout the month of December. Imagine a world where there is no fighting or need of any kind; where everyone lived in perfect community with one another. Imagine a world where everything was the way that God intended it to be, and then ask yourself, "what can I do to bring us a little bit closer to that world each day?"

"Do small things with great love." -Mother Teresa

Just a few Updates

2008-11-17T10:06:00.000-08:00

Life has been kind of interesting lately, not really in a "you could make a movie out of it" sort of way, but interesting to me none the less.

Noah and I went salsa dancing the other night with a few other couples that he works with. I went into the whole thing with an "I really don't want to do this" attitude, mainly because my monthly female friend had just come to visit that day and I wasn't feeling that great, but I went and did it anyway because I knew that it was something that Noah really wanted to do. I was so happy that we ended up going because we both had the best time! I had never done anything like that before and it made me feel alive. I almost felt like I was living in a different city, one where there are fun things to do on Friday nights :) It was just a really refreshing night for me because we are so used to doing the same things day to day, which isn't necessarily a bad thing (Noah and I have fun together no matter what we do) but it's just nice to have an exciting change every now and then.

Also, Thursday night Noah and I went out to dinner to one of our favorite places with our friends Scott and Sarah. Sarah was my roommate and one of my bridesmaids, and has been one of my closest friends for a long time now. Well, anyways, after dinner Scott proposed to Sarah and it was awesome! She was not at all expecting it and we all cried...well Sarah and I did :) It was really special because Scott had Sarah's ring designed using the diamonds from his mother's wedding ring, who recently passed from cancer, and also some of Sarah's grandmother's diamonds from a ring that she inherited. The whole thing was really beautiful! I am so happy for them both and cannot wait to see them fall even more in love through this process!

I feel like God is in the process of teaching me something but I can't really pinpoint what it is. That's a very strange feeling, but I know He will show me clearly when He is ready to. I'm working through a lot in my mind, but then again, I'm always doing that.

Noah & I are now in the process of planning our NYC trip after the New Years. We went last year at that time and it was so much fun! Let me know if you have any suggestions for our trip!

Well, those are some basic updates about what's going on in my life...I told you they weren't that interesting :)

I am the Candle Holder

2008-11-04T07:06:00.000-08:00

Well, I did it. I decided to vote. Not out of obligation or guilt, but because I wanted to stand up for my ideals. Although I know my vote will not make a difference in the election it will make a difference in me. I chose my beliefs, my ideals, my standards.

There was a silent protestor who stood outside the Whitehouse holding a lit candle to protest the war. A guy stopped him and asked, "Why are you doing this? You are not going to change anything." The protester said, "I don't do this to change them. I do it so I am not changed."

Although I may not change this nation, I can choose to not allow this nation to change me...and that is precisely what I did. Pray for our next president, whoever they may be, and pray for our nation. God is in control...allow your hope to rest in Him.

Taming Tongue and Heart

2008-10-28T07:38:00.000-07:00

Warning: I just need to do a little bit of venting/expressing my frustrations. Also, this blog was not written to show support or lack there of for any candidate.

I am so disappointed with the people who are associating Barack Obama with Osama Bin Laden and the terrorist extremists. How is it not a blatant prejudice to compare a good, law abiding American citizen with a religious extremist who was responsible for the killing of thousands of innocent people solely because of the way his name sounds? Whether you like or dislike, support or don't support Obama, it is absolutely wrong to compare or even associate him with a mass murderer because he doesn't have an "American-sounding" name. What have we come to when we label someone as something so horrible because of their name? And how is that different then labeling someone because of the color of their skin? This kind of thinking must be stopped! It is this thinking that leads people, like the two young men who have recently been arrested, to taking it upon themselves to "be the hero" and "save America from this terrorist" by plotting an assassination. I respect everyone's choice to vote for whom they wish, but I do not respect such ignorant and damaging ways of thinking. Don't fool yourself; you are not merely dehumanizing the other person, you are greatly dehumanizing yourself. If you honestly think that Jesus Christ would speak and act in such ways I would highly suggest that you take another look at His life and His words. We should not allow the values that we follow that are taught by Christ to just walk out of the door whenever election time roles around...it is unacceptable. We must decide whether our utmost devotion is to the donkey, the elephant, or the Lamb.

I'm sorry for the ranting, but I just feel like this needs to be addressed. If you were compared to Osama bin Laden or Hitler or any other mass murderer you probably wouldn't think it as anything light hearted or funny. Let's think about the implications of our speech.

The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, But the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. - Proverbs 15:2

Whoever guards his mouth and tongue Keeps his soul from troubles. - Proverbs 21:23

Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins. - Proverbs 10:12

But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts… - Colossians 3:15-15

For Love of Differences

2008-10-21T08:17:00.000-07:00

I’m really beginning to learn the beauty and greatness of loving others, not just in spite of, but sometimes even because of our differences. I’ll try to explain. We all know how easy it is to love those who look, act, think, and talk like we do. It’s easy to smile at the person who is reading the same book as you or listening to the same song, but what about the person who is reading a book from an author that may just go against what you think or believe? Do we smile the same at them?

My husband, Noah, in his latest blog writes of a situation where two neighbors have never become close but are always cordial with one another until they each post a political campaign sign in their yards supporting opposite presidential candidates. Their cordial smiles turn into glaring snares and rolling eyes. All opportunity for any sort of friendship is gone without a word ever being spoken. I have started to see this everywhere, and even in my own life. Why do we allow differences to create enemies?

When I began to love others for their differences God became much bigger and yet much more relational than I had ever known Him to be. God doesn’t only love those who look, think, and act like me, which means He calls me to love people other than my look-a-likes as well. If He can love the beggar and the rich, the hurting and the healthy, the stubborn and the meek, and all those in between that shows His unique relationship with each of His people and that love should bring us together as a community.

We must change our attitudes and realize that we are missing the point of being a Christ-follower if we continue to separate ourselves into categories of the ever present “I’m right, you’re wrong” theology and politics.

We were given mercy & grace, and yet we act as judges and executioners. We were shown love & compassion, and yet we deny it to others daily. If we allow God to be bigger than the boxes we try to put Him in, we will begin to see how deeply and intricately He really cares for us. We have allowed our fears to control us and keep us from loving the way Christ would have us love. What are we so afraid of?

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out all fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

"There’s got to be a love that’s stronger than our fear..." -- Derek Webb

Our God

2008-10-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

Our God is faithful, our God is perfect, our God is beautiful, our God is peace, our God is grace, our God is just, our God is mercy, our God is righteous. Our God loves us more than we could possibly imagine!

When times seem hopeless, we must rethink what or who it is that we are placing our hope in. My hope is in our God. He is the father to the fatherless, the comfort to our pain, the strength in our weakness, the beauty amidst our ugliness. He is the One who is worth our trust, devotion, praise, authenticity, brokenness, faith, love and hope.

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; all other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood, support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my Hope and Stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.

Consider the Cost

2008-09-15T11:45:00.000-07:00

I have been very concerned lately with supporting companies and businesses that use child labor factories for the production of their merchandise. I started getting overwhelmed thinking “how could I know who does and doesn’t use this method of production?” I have realized that it is definitely easier to find out which companies do use child labor than it is to discover which do not, but at least it’s a start. So, from my research, I have found a list of companies that are infamous for their use of child labor:

Nike
Abercrombie & Fitch
Hollister
Phillips-Van Heusen
Disney
Guess
The Gap
Banana Republic
Old Navy
Tommy Hilfiger
Reebok
Levi Straus
Mattel
Ralph Lauren
Liz Claiborne
Wal-Mart
Kohl’s
Calvin Klein
Talbots
Brooks Brothers

I don’t know how accurate all of these are, as I found them off of the internet, but a majority of sites confirmed that Wal-Mart, Gap, and Nike are some of the worst. I read several articles/comments saying that Target has a good reputation when it comes to not using any sort of child labor.

I know it is difficult to think of completely banning some of these major companies from our regular use, especially those such as Wal-Mart, however, I would like to challenge you to consider, beyond the cheap price of an item, the true cost of what you are purchasing.

When you buy new school clothes for your children, think about the children that don’t get to go to school because they are forced to make those clothes in dangerous environments where they are often unpaid, underfed, and abused sometimes to the point of torture. Many are sold into slavery by their own parents. They are beaten for crying, and then again for bleeding on the clothes from the previous beating. The reality of this situation is one that is most disturbing and easy for many of us to want to push out of our minds because of the pain, sadness, and hopelessness that we feel.

It's easy to feel hopeless about it, I mean, I cannot promise that I will never shop at a Wal-Mart again, but I can avoid buying clothing and shoes from Wal-Mart. Second-hand shops, like Goodwill and other thrift stores are a great alternative as well. I know that very few people, including myself, can honestly say that they will never buy anything again that contributes to this sad truth, however, we can do our part as best we can, and even though it may not seem like it, awareness counts. The more that people know, the more they will care, the more that they care, the more things will change!

Consider the cost, not just the price.

Welcome to the World Nadia!

2008-09-02T06:29:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for my longest and one of my best friends, Jenny, who just had her baby girl, Nadia Yvonne Parker!! I cannot wait to meet this little blessing and I feel so privileged to have the opportunity to be apart of their lives! God is so good! Jenny and I have literally been through everything together. We have grown up with each other since birth and have been the closest of friends our entire lives. We played as children together, rebelled, loved and learned as teenagers together, experienced the lowest of times as well as the happiest, and watched each other finally reach the fulfillment we had dreamed of as we grew into adulthood, and now I get to see her take on the most beautiful role of all...mother. So, welcome to the world beautiful Nadia, and congratulations Luke and Jenny!

My Love

2008-08-22T07:53:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl I dreamt of movie screen kisses and lyrical words spoken by a charming prince. I came to realize later on that kissing frogs does not turn them into princes, and charms are only blinding spells.

I’ve come to realize that the most beautiful moments are the ones that exist in the most honest of circumstances. Reality contains a beauty that a movie screen or fairy tale story could never possess.

The man I’ve found is better than any charming prince and the story we share is more beautiful than a fairy tale. The love I have makes movie romances look completely undesirable. The depth of what we share is more magnificent than anything I could have ever imagined as a little girl, and more satisfying than what I’d settled for in between.

He is my best friend. He is my closest companion. He is my love.

Carrying Burdens

2008-08-19T06:24:00.000-07:00

What happens when we actually take on the burdens of others? When we place ourselves in their shoes long enough to feel the deepness of their pain and weep over it? When we lose sleep over someone elses problems? Sometimes you cannot just be a listening ear or a shoulder for their tears because if you really let what you are "listening to" sink in you realize that you can't just leave it with them...it is now yours to carry as well.

Last night was one of the strangest nights I've had in a long time. Everything seemed to be going wrong, and not just for me, for everyone around me. Finally when it came time to sit back and relax I was approached with a situation. I had two choices: ignore it and go about my business or involve myself...whatever that may lead to. With fear and timidity I chose the latter. I was a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on, having no idea that the story I was about to hear would break my heart and cause me to take on the burden along with the one experiencing it.

I began to put myself in her shoes and feel the pain of what the world can do to people. I experienced the loneliness of a girl who was beaten by the world and, without hope, joined with them in her own dehumanization. I felt the grief and hurt of living a life with no knowledge of a loving, compassionate God to hold and carry me with my wounds.

It was painful and emotionally exhausting as I wept over a life that is not my own. A life that is completely lost, broken, confused, and hopeless. Not hopeless from my perspective but hopeless from hers. You do not make the decisions that she has made and live the life that she lives without a complete lack of hope for anything more beautiful, more loving, or more redeeming to come. I wanted to share with her that love exists, peace exists.

I wanted to say to her over and over:

You do not have to live like this...you do NOT have to live like this...YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!

There is so much more to this life...so much more that is good and lovely and fulfilling.

Lord, please give me the courage and boldness to show Your courageous and bold love!

The Marks of a Christian: Thoughts on Romans 12:9-21

2008-08-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.

We should not be insincere in our love, expecting much and giving little. Hating what is evil and clinging to what is good seems easy, but it’s hard to recognize evil for what it truly is when it often wears a mask that seems so flawless. Good is transparent, not hiding anything, but many times we judge its transparency because we are uncomfortable with it. We want the image of perfection not realizing that it is merely a mask hiding the face of evil.

Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

Love one another as you do your own family. In the same way that you serve and give to the Lord, you should serve and give to others, making it a lifestyle rather than an occasional act of goodness. Rejoice in the hope that we have as Christians: the hope of resurrection and new life in Christ; life that is restored to its original condition which is holy and blameless! Be patient in times of trial keeping this very hope in mind. Remain in prayer and provide for all of the needs of your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

This simple statement has so many implications that we do not always want to recognize. To actually follow through with this requires the ultimate humility and selflessness. Rather than focusing on what you do or do not deserve versus what they do or do not deserve you are thinking about what Christ says about how you should treat them no matter what anyone deserves. I think that it is the hardest thing for us to put aside our ‘rights’ for the sake of following the way of Christ.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

We are to be of the same mind and that mind is not to be focused on the things the world tells us it should be: money, houses, cars, jobs, status, power, privilege. But, we are to associate with the humble, the hurting, the sick, the weak, the poor, those who are considered to be lepers to this American Dream that we all pursue. Those are the ones we are supposed to associate ourselves with, not the rich and mighty, the strong and the powerful. We need to humble ourselves to a servant hood that acts rather than boasting in an intellect that merely speaks. Our hands should be dirty with love, selflessness, and compassion. Our opinions mean very little to those in need.

Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay” says the Lord. Therefore If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Do we follow this in action and in thought? Do our spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and political beliefs truly reflect this teaching? Repay NO ONE evil for evil: does Christ not teach us to no longer say an eye for an eye, but to turn our cheeks? Have regard for good things in the sight of ALL men: if we truly followed this statement we would not dehumanize people the way we do so often; people would be thought of as human beings who are fallen and need grace and forgiveness rather than just being “the enemy”. We are NOT to avenge ourselves because vengeance belongs to the Lord: what does this say about the death penalty? It definitely makes you re-think what you believe concerning things like that and why you believe them. Why do people still say things like, “We need to just bomb the entire Middle East”? How can we say things like that and claim to worship the God who told us to feed and clothe our enemies? Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good: this has probably always been easy to most of us because of our clear cut definitions of good and evil, I mean, we may not be perfect but we would certainly never do or support anything that is evil. It’s such a strong word that we tend to push it aside because in our minds we feel that we could never stoop to something low enough to be called evil, but Scripture makes it clear that there is the way of Christ, which is good, and the way of the world, which is evil. If the way of Christ is outlined out for us with words such as love, patience, serving, humility, peace, goodness, kindness, giving, compassion, forgiveness, and mercy, then anything other than that would have to be considered the way of the world. We will be held accountable for our ignorance concerning the way we love (or do not love) others. We need to think about Christ’s mission above our own and learn to live like we have experienced the love of Christ in our lives.

Made Perfect by our Love

2008-07-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

Why is our ‘Yes’ only ‘Yes’ when it fits within our comfort zone, and our ‘No’ only ‘No’ until it affects the way we live?

You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.

We are called to live as peace makers even when those around us choose hostility.

If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also. And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away.

We are called to live with grace and mercy as it has been bestowed upon us in such abundance. Our conveniences and comforts have become our ‘rights’. However, if we were able to see and choose between being given what was ‘rightfully’ ours and being given grace and mercy, we would always choose the latter. Why do we not portray this aspect of Christ to the world?

You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you…

We are called to be love givers as we have experienced the greatest, most profound love that has ever existed. We are not given the permission to choose whom we will and will not love. We must love even our enemies and do good to them; yes, this includes our foreign enemies as well as our local ones.

…that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so?

Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.

Love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, servant hood, humility: these things are the antithesis of comfort and convenience. We too often dictate these character traits by how much we will have to sacrifice, when the entire purpose of them all is to sacrifice one’s self in order to show Christ to the world. We are not made perfect by our knowledge, nor by our ‘good intentions’. We are made perfect by our love.

Some Non-Professional Wedding Pictures

2008-07-28T07:10:00.000-07:00

Red or Blue? Um...Purple?

2008-07-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

I have honestly never been so torn before when it comes to voting. I have never had a doubt about who I would cast my vote for in the presidential elections; until now. There is no reason why, out of the many possible candidates for presidency, we have only these two to choose from. How is it that only two politcal parties can represent and speak for an entire nation of people? Are we really that simplistic as to be able to be boiled down and placed in one box or another? I have the option of choosing a candidate that I do not fully support or "throwing my vote away" by writing in. My question is...as a Christian, what exactly am I held responsible for? Getting a Republican into office eventhough I don't believe in 90% of what he has to say?? (but as long as I prevent a democrat from taking office everything will be fine) Or, actually writing in someone that I agree with fully eventhough it is perceived as a wasted vote? Doesn't God choose who runs our country? I know I have a duty to vote, but quite frankly, I'm tired of being manipulated and controlled by fear. I will NOT help send another Bush into office. I know I'm just going on a rant, but it's been a burden to me lately with all of the e-mails and news headlines. I'd love to just say "whatever happens, happens" and just remove myself from it all, but the truth is...I believe in making an educated decision and that's what I'm trying to do.

It shouldn't be either red or blue...there's got to be another choice!

All I Need - Radiohead

2008-07-10T06:49:00.000-07:00

Please watch this video in its entirety and let it sink in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdrCalO5BDs

...Question...

2008-07-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

Noah asked me a question the other day that I did not know how to answer. My thoughts were so conflicting because I had opinions which advocated opposite answers. So...I'm presenting this question to you in hopes that you will give me your thoughts and opinions in hopes that something will click and make sense to me.

Here goes...

If God cares for all of His creation, does He mourn the death of all living things (including animals, plants, etc.)?

I will wait to explain my thought process in my pursuit to answer this question until after I get some responses, so as to not taint another's own unique pattern of thinking.

Created to be Creative!

2008-07-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

I've been in a very crafty mood lately. I am constantly wanting to do and make things with my hands. The other day I sat down with a large canvas and just painted...it was so theraputic, and there is just something about sitting back and looking at something that you yourself have made.

Noah and I have also been talking lately about trying to save money on clothes and also trying our hardest not to support the stores that use child labor factories to produce their clothing. We know there is no way to completely avoid this issue, however we can try to purchase most of our clothes from a second hand store thus not giving our money to the stores who sell the clothes first hand. So, we decided that we would try going to the Good Will and finding clothes that are good on their own or creating our own by using objects or patterns on one piece of clothing and cutting them out and sewing them onto another making it our own unique creation. We did this the other day and it was so much fun...and so much cheaper!

God created us to be creative beings and when we exercise that creativity (talent or no talent) there is a part of us that feels fulfilled and satisfied. Make the decision to do something creative this week and see how God can use it to teach and uplift you!

Next craft mission: create my own jewelry and learn how to knit or crochet so I can make scarves, hats, and gloves!

Mary Closed Her Doors

2008-07-03T11:28:00.000-07:00

My husband and I went to Kentucky this past week for his grandmother's funeral. Her name was Mary. Although he and she were never very close, we wanted to be there to show our love and support to the family. It was actually a great week of visiting with the family despite the circumstances.

At the funeral they had many old pictures and documents from his grandma's past...they were beautiful. Unfortunately, it was the first time that anyone in the family had ever seen them. Mary had always refused to allow anyone to see them and would say, "you can see them after I die". In her everyday life, she was very shut off from her family and never allowed herself to have a close relationship with anyone. It was just so sad to think that none of her family knew who she was when she was younger and none of them really knew who she was even before she died.

As my husband, Noah, and I were looking at the pictures that were set in the window sill we came across a playbill. As a teenager his grandmother was in a school play! Noah had no idea that she had ever done anything of this nature and was so pleasantly surprised. If only she had told him about it she could have found out that her grandson also loves acting in plays. I can only imagine what else she hid from the world that could have bonded her to others.

Why do we chose to shut our selves off from the world and even those that are supposed to be closest to us? I know I tend to over-analyze things, but I couldn't help but wonder what or who hurt her so badly that she felt the need to remain so cold and closed off even until her death. What made Mary close her doors to everyone? I pray that this story never becomes my own. I want to live my life fully and experience real community. I hope that I will always be open to loving others and to allowing them to love me.

The Sanctity of Life and Other Government Fairy Tales

2008-06-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

I was just reading a blog that someone posted about how voting Republican is the only choice that lines up with Biblical principles. It contained ideas which expressed that the only moral issues that really matter are the sanctity of life and homosexual marriage. When confronted with environmental, foreign policy, and war issues the response was basically that those held no weight when compared with the sanctity of life. So, I guess my question is…

When did the sanctity of life become so narrow in definition as to only include American babies?

When did it become ok to starve other countries through free/unfair trade?

Does the sanctity of life not count for the children in other countries who labor to make the clothing that we buy?

We can bomb and invade other countries but we can’t pay them a fair price for goods?

I would like to state that I do not call myself a Democrat, and in fact, I have always voted Republican, however, I feel like I am very quickly losing any and all affiliation that I have had with the choices that we are being given. I refuse to say that it is a lesser evil to starve children in other nations than it is to have an abortion…are they not both equally evil?? A human life should not be synonymous with an American human life. We cannot pick and choose which lives are of value and which are not.

The only way for us to change anything in the government is to vote for our ideals, even if they seem like impossible dreams! We must stop voting for the candidates that have the best chance of winning for our party or the ones who just aren’t as bad as the other. I was (and am) a full supporter of a candidate that I know will not win. I support him because he is for everything that I am for and is against everything that I am as well. When I explained to people why I supported him and what he stood for almost everyone said, “yea, but those things will never happen”, or , “that sounds great, but he won’t win the election”. When did we start choosing to vote for popularity or lesser evils rather than for our beliefs and ideals? We are responsible for voting for the one who upholds our beliefs, not for insuring that the correct party makes it into office. The president should only be a means to enact and bring about the ideals that the people vote for, rather than voting for a president because we are agree with a greater percentage of his beliefs than another candidate and then having to settle for what that president and the congress want to do with the country. We have given way too much power to the federal government and they LOVE it when the people of America are ignorant to what is going on.

I was watching the Colbert Report the other day (incredibly funny show!) and there was a guest on the show who wrote a book about politics (as they all have), and he said something that was an extremely profound statement about how our government views us. When Colbert asked, “Why do we even have the election process when the people’s votes count so little?”, this guest responded in all seriousness and without sarcasm, “because the American people need to go through the traditional election process because it is something they can believe in.” This disturbed me to think of comparing our election process with Santa Claus or the tooth fairy…it just makes us little ignorant children happy to have something we can believe in.

I realize this blog has gone from one issue to another , but I guess I just needed to vent a little, and hopefully it may have challenged a thought or two. I think to best finish up my thoughts I will just leave you with the lyrics to a Derek Webb song called “Rich Young Ruler”:

poverty is so hard to see
when it’s only on your TV and twenty miles across town
where we’re all living so good
that we moved out of Jesus’ neighborhood
where he’s hungry and not feeling so good
from going through our trash
he says, more than just your cash and coin
I want your time, I want your voice
I want the things you just can’t give me

so what must we do
here in the west we want to follow you
we speak the language and we keep all the rules
even a few we made up
come on and follow me
but sell your house, sell your SUV
sell your stocks, sell your security
and give it to the poor
what is this, hey what’s the deal
I don’t sleep around and I don’t steal
I want the things you just can’t give me

because what you do to the least of these
my brother’s, you have done it to me
because I want the things you just can’t give me

Mrs. Emily Smith

2008-06-16T08:17:00.001-07:00

WOW! I can't believe I'm finally married to the most wonderful man in the world! It took a couple days for Noah and I to really let everything sink in. The wedding was perfect, the reception was so much fun, and the honeymoon was like a dream! I feel blessed beyond belief to have had all of these wonderful experiences and for all of those who love us so much to enable us to have had them! Noah and I truly do have the absolute best family and friends anyone could ever have! For example, when we got home from the honeymoon and walked in our house (that's fun to say), everything was picked up, organized, and CLEAN! When we walked into the kitchen there were two baskets full of food with a note telling us that the refridgerator was also stocked! Both of our families did so much to provide us such a welcome homecoming. We are abundantly blessed with the love and support of our family and friends! I will try to post pictures soon of the wedding and honeymoon!

What Makes Me Most Happy...

2008-04-08T13:04:00.000-07:00

...Getting to marry this man!

Unexpected Hurt

2008-04-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard to get over it when we feel that our character, intentions, or heart have been attacked? Today I was hurt deeply and it was completely unexpected. A sucker punch waiting for me as I turned my face to look. I'm still a little in shock as it came from someone I haven't talked to in years and it was concerning someone I haven't talked to in many months. I'm amazed that I can so negatively affect someone else's life while living half way across the country from them and having no communication with them. I've been accused of not caring, being concerned only with myself, pursuing an inappropriate relationship (of which I've done no pursuing), attacking someone and not allowing them to move forward in their lives...isn't it crazy that I could manage all of that with absolutely no contact or communication with someone!? I must be a pretty powerful and terrible person if I'm capable of all that. I feel so betrayed...I don't even know what else to say...

2008-04-04T10:21:00.000-07:00

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” --Mahatma Gandhi

Sad, yet true. I have lately been struggling so much with Christians and the fact that many times it is the "Christians" who are the least likeable people on earth! Why do we feel that we are called to be abrasive and unloveable? If I could tally up the totals I know that I have seen more theological debating amongst the Christian community than I have love for one another, and this, frankly, disgusts me! I've been on the verge of tears today just thinking about how I am many times ashamed to call myself a Christian, not because of my belief in Christ and all that entails, but because of what other Christians have turned it into. I am heartbroken at the way we, as Christian brothers and sisters, treat each other! Why would the world ever want a relationship with Christ when they see the way we act towards one another? Why would a world of broken and dysfunctional families want to join another family that is just as broken? People don't want to join the fight...they want to join in bringing peace and love to the world!

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,[fn1] but have not love, it profits me nothing. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13

Pictures from my Bridal Shower in Kentucky!

2008-04-02T13:20:00.000-07:00

What kind of Flower are you?

2008-03-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.

People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.

You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.

Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

What kind of Chocolate are you?

2008-03-12T11:13:00.001-07:00

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.

You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.

Also nostalgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

Wedding Updates

2008-03-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

Well, once again God has revealed to me how much I worry about things when I shouldn't. I guess I'm just the type of person who knows that God is in control, but doesn't understand why in the world He would want to bless me in great ways. So, long story short...

Not only did a timeshare open up, but it opened up in Cancun, Mexico, and because my dad is amazing he is letting us pay less money than we would have for flights to use his Frequent Flyer Miles which allow us to fly to Cancun FIRST CLASS!! It's unreal, one minute I'm stressing over what we're going to do for our honeymoon and then next minute everything has worked out even better than I'd imagined!

Also, it's looking like Dave will be able to officiate the wedding after all! All of the little details are coming together and planning this wedding has become fun again. God is amazing and has blessed Noah and I beyond what we could have hoped for! I'm sorry for not trusting Him more!

Wedding Stress

2008-03-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been on the verge of an anxiety attack quite a bit, and it all surrounds the wedding! I know this is considered normal, however I have begun to feel like Murphey's Law has made a home for itself in my wedding plans.

Currently: we may have to find a new person to officiate the wedding (mind you this is the one of 4 people that we would have liked to do the wedding that was actually available to do it), my previous guitar teacher and dear friend who I was hoping would play guitar in my wedding will not even be able to attend my wedding (ouch), I was also hoping to have the violinist at my parent's church play but know that she will be attending another wedding, I personally know 3 other people who are getting married on the same day as me causing some people that were very important in my life to miss my wedding, neither one of my grandpas will be able to come to my wedding, as of right now Noah & I have NO place to honeymoon because apparently every timeshare (which is the only thing we can actually afford) is booked, and the list goes on...

I know I sound like a bridezilla, but really I don't feel angry...just sad and worried. I do recognize the blessings as well, like: getting the invitations I wanted for very cheap, finding affordable and adorable bridesmaids shoes (thanks Ginger!), and having a family who is doing everything they possibly can to help me in any way possible! I am truly blessed! And eventhough I stress, at the end of the day if I'm married to Noah, the most wonderful man I've ever known, I will be the happiest person in the world!

Sacrifice and Surrender

2008-02-07T10:04:00.000-08:00

Last night at the communion service at church we were challanged to think of and surrender the thing(s) that keep us from change. That which keeps us tied down when God is calling us to move. We were asked to let go of and give up whatever it was that was keeping us from moving forward in our lives and in God's purpose for us. When I finally thought of what mine were, it was terrifying. First, my main one was just plain fear...and that I was willing (not necessarily able) to give up. The thought of moving somewhere other than where I live to follow God's call just causes fear in me on many levels. Where many people would see it as excitement or a thrill, I would see it as terrifying. The second, and this was the one that I wanted to ignore surrenduring, was my family (the family I am referring to is my mother, father, sister, brother, and all of my nieces and nephews). I use them to stay where I'm at because we are so close and I can't imagine life away from them. I want to see my nieces and nephews grow and be able to drop by my sister's or mom's when I need a friend to talk to. I have to be willing to give up everything in order to follow Christ (please understand I'm not talking about giving up a marriage or children or anything like that). Even the things that are good in my life, like family, I need to be able to leave if God wanted me to, and I feel like that where I'm at right now I would probably ignore Him...that's me being brutally honest about myself. Lately Noah has been missing Tampa like crazy. He loves Virginia but longs to live somewhere a little more exciting while we are young and have no kids. The thought of living somewhere else is scary to me, but I can't hold him back because of my fears. The main point of all of this I guess is that I just need to learn to be willing to sacrifice and surrender.

Go change the world

2008-02-04T07:41:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday, Pastor Jon gave an analogy comparing us (the people of the congregation including himself) with his 7 year old son who, when the family goes to theme parks, talks big and tough about how he is going to ride all of the wildest, scariest rides and then once he goes to sit down in the seat freaks out and crosses over to the exit side to wait for everyone else to finish riding. Jon pointed out that this is what we will often do in our journey with God. We talk a big talk and say things like, "God, I want you to use me in big ways", and "Make my life count for more than just the ordinary", etc...and then many times when God actually calls us to something that answers those prayers we back down or even take off running. I have prayed that so many times and yet I find myself living for the worldly things of this life rather than that which glorifies God and furthers His kingdom. I don't believe that this is because God is ignoring me, but rather that I am ignoring Him. I want to learn to quiet my mind and actually listen; stop filling myself up so much and begin pouring out to others. I realize that I don't need to be in other countries or making headlines in order for God to use me in big ways. We can influence change in the world right where God has placed us and I don't feel like I am pursuing that enough. The love of Christ shown through His believers is life changing and that is what I long for.
This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. John 15:12

Today at work

2008-01-31T12:14:00.000-08:00

In my job I deal with a lot of complaining parents of college students who are many times just calling to vent their frustrations. It can be wearing and frustrating but it can also feel pretty good to be the one to calm them down and give them some information that can help ease their anger. We also deal with parents that are very kind and sweet and have very normal and legitimate questions...those are blessings. Today, I had a very different call from a parent that I was not at all expecting...this mother was calling because she was trying to find out her son's class schedule so she could pick him up because his father had just yesterday passed away. The way she said this lead me to realize that this was not an ill father that they had been expecting to pass, but a tragedy that was completely unexpected and shocking. I was unable to speak for a moment because I was slightly overcome. I felt so aweful that all I could do was transfer her to the Campus Pastor's office and quickly say, "I'm sorry for your loss". Those words sound so meaningless and are empty of all true care and concern, and I felt terrible after I said them. I have no clue who she or her son are, but I had to fight back tears after I got off of the phone with her. I can't imagine getting such news and I pray God never puts me through something like that. Lord, please remain so close to that family and guide them through this terrible tragedy. Help them to grieve in a healthy way and bring them closer together and closer to You. Please be with the son who is probably now hearing the news and wrap Your loving arms so tight around him that he cannot help but to feel a bit of peace even in his mourning. Thank You for being a God that carries us and weeps with us.

Top 5

2008-01-29T10:21:00.000-08:00

Movies I've seen recently:
1. Once
2. August Rush
3. Juno
4. Shine (an older movie that I just watched recently)
5. Cloverfield

Movies I want to see:
1. P.S. I Love You
2. 27 Dresses
3. I'm Not There
4. Across the Universe (I still haven't seen it!)
5. Atonement

Things I'm looking foward to this Spring:
1. Getting closer to getting married =)
2. Having bridal showers
3. Getting my bridal portraits taken
4. LOST starting back up (sad that that's in my top 5...I know)
5. Any other GOOD surprises that God brings along

Music I'm listening to recently:
1. The Frames (Glen Hansard)
2. Damien Rice
3. A Fine Frenzy
4. Ray LaMontagne
5. Band of Horses

Things I've dreamed of doing:
1. Play french horn in the orchestra for a broadway show
2. Act in a movie
3. Record a CD
4. Write a book
5. Sing in a band

I might even fly...

2008-01-24T08:21:00.000-08:00

This Saturday I am going to pick up my WEDDING DRESS!!! I am so excited! I can't wait to try it on again, and this time with my veil, shoes, headpiece, and jewelry! I cannot wait to marry Noah; he is incredible! I want to be his best friend and partner for life! We are the greatest team and I always feel stronger when he is around. He encourages me daily and always shows his love for me. I am so blessed. He makes me want to be a better person...I find myself being more encouraging, when I tend to be more negative or critical, and he is the one thing in my life that I feel NO worry over, when, as I've said previously, I worry about everything! He supports me and I him. It is a beautiful relationship...not perfect, but beautiful! The following lyrics are from Sara Groves' song, "Fly", and they describe how he makes me feel everyday:

Oh how the little things
Strengthen my tiny wings
Help me to take on the world
When you love me there's nothing I wouldn't try
I might even fly

Puggles

2008-01-21T13:40:00.000-08:00

This is my dog Penny (she's a puggle):

And this is the picture that makes me want more puggles!!

A Simple Solution

2008-01-21T10:27:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I forget to stop and think about the many blessings that exist in my life. There has been a lot of junk going on lately and I've really let it affect me. I was either avoiding the subject completely or making myself sick with worry over it. I think I may have come up with a better way to handle this trial that I'm facing...recognize my blessings with my troubles. When I begin to stress and worry, I will try to just think, "Yea, but I've got the greatest fiance in the world", or "This sucks right now, but I've got the love and support of my family and many people don't even have that". Those thoughts allow me to see what all I do have even in the midst of what I'm going through. They reassure me that, just like in times past, I will get through this. Seems ridiculously simple minded, but maybe that's what I need right now rather than trying to overthink everything like I usually do.

Questions on my mind

2008-01-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

When we're worried about a very realistic outcome to any given circumstance...does that always mean that we are not trusting God? Is it possible to completely trust God and still fear the pain and hardship of going through trials?

YELLOW

2008-01-14T09:01:00.000-08:00

What Your Favorite Color Yellow Says About You:

Wise --- Aware --- Curious
Intellectual --- Logical --- Decisive
Introverted --- Focused --- Driven

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

I'm not worried about it

2008-01-14T06:42:00.000-08:00

Free spirited, carefree, fly by the seat of your pants, lighthearted, uninhibited...none of these words describe me. I would love to be this person who never worries and goes through life only experiencing fun and excitement. To have the adventurous attitude of "rules were meant for breaking!" To be able to not take so many little things in life so seriously and with so much worry...that would be a dream! If you ever hear me say, "I'm not worried about it" you can pretty much guarantee that I am not telling the truth. It’s not that I live my entire life as an uptight, stressed out person who never does anything spontaneous or fun…I just am more of a worrier than most, and that bothers me…of course =)
Unfortunately I tend to be in the habit of caring what other people think way too much…not in the way that I change who I am but in the way that I don’t want to bother or upset them. I know who I am but I also know who I want to be, and that is a well balanced person. I don’t want to be completely carefree but it would be nice to feel it on occasion. I try to make a conscious effort to stretch myself and do things that may make me feel uncomfortable in order to help me grow into this balance. It is difficult to change what comes so natural to me, but if we’re not growing...we’re not living.

Faith, Prayer, and God's Sovereign Will

2008-01-11T07:59:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been dealing with the issue of faith and prayer and how these things that we are called to affect or do not affect God. It is difficult for me to really understand their roles in my relationship with God beyond the basic ideas that prayer is communicating with God and faith in Him is crucial to any relationship. That is not really what I am talking about here...I have a hard time understanding whether our faith and prayer have any affect on God other than him being pleased of our obedience in these things. Can we change things by having more faith or praying more fervently? I have trouble finding a balance between our faith and prayer and God's sovereignty, and I think because I have serious struggles with both having faith and a good prayer life I tend to only concern myself with God's will and sovereign plan. I don't know why but praying has always been a real struggle for me. I am good at asking for things and thanking Him for things, but feel totally lost when trying to just talk to Him daily as a friend. I've always desired this, but most of the time feel confused about what to do or say...it seems really silly I know but it's just something that has always been difficult for me. Lord, teach me the balance between faith, prayer, and your sovereign will. Help me take time out of my day to talk to You more, or maybe just to listen to You more. And eventhough it's hard sometimes, thank you for being a God that my simple mind cannot figure out!

About Me

2008-01-10T18:19:00.000-08:00

I have never really blogged before so I guess I will start my telling a little bit about myself. First, I must say that I am in love with my savior Jesus Christ! God has been so amazing to me despite my continual disobedience and unworthyness. He has blessed my life so tremendously and contintues to do so daily. The greatest blessing He has given me is my fiance, Noah, who is truly the greatest man in the world! We are getting married this summer and I sometimes have to remind myself that I am really getting to marry the man that I have dreamed of and prayed for my entire life! He is truly my best friend! I am in school studying to be a professional counselor and I am so excited to see where that will lead me. I want to be able to make an impact on the lives of others and be a listening ear to those who do not have one. Counseling is my passion and what I feel I am meant to do in this world. I also love music; listening to it, singing it, playing it, writing it...I love it all! I have an amazing family who understands and supports me fully and I realize how rare and incredible that is. I am the type of person who is terrible at small talk but craves a deep, authentic conversation. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and no matter how much I may be hurt by someone I long to forgive. My story is not necessarily one of faith or obedience, but one of mercy, forgiveness, and grace.