Monday, November 8, 2010

The song my heart right now:



Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

And the test begins . . . NOW!

As most of you know, Noah lost his job a while back, decided to go back to school to finish his degree, and we've been living off of my income (that word even seems too big to describe what I make). Well, things have been going great! Our bank account, while diminishing some, was still in decent shape and we could essentially pay all of our bills, get groceries, and even have money for any unexpected payments that might come our way. I would talk about how I trusted God to provide, which is true, but really I knew our bank account had enough to provide for us at the time, so my trust was more a background belief than something I had to actively choose.

Well, a few days ago I went online to check our bank statement and was instantly fighting off a panic attack. What was left was puny, pathetic, and frankly. . .terrifying!

GASP! How will we pay our bills? Pay rent? Buy groceries? Buy gas? SURVIVE??

As you can obviously see my trust wasn't really in God's provision, but in that God would keep my bank account at a decent, and what I deemed appropriate, level. Well, we are now faced with the test of actively trusting God on a daily basis. I have to be honest and confess that I don't always pass, at least not in my initial reaction to things. Sometimes it takes some time and convincing before I'm in a place where I can rest in the promises that have been given to me.

My emotions are so conflicting because some days I will be depressed and envious of others, while other days I am literally excited because I know that we now get to witness some truly awesome moments where God takes care of us in ways we could not have imagined! He's already provided for us before we even saw what was left in our account!
Example: Every semester my office does an event in which I have to work all weekend and late nights throughout the week. I have always had to bank those hours and just use them for paid vacation time, as overtime was never an option. This most recent one, my boss informed me that I could get paid overtime for all of the extra hours I worked! She also gave me another opportunity to get some overtime this week. She still doesn't know of the recent, all-time-low, our bank account has hit.
God provides!

So, I'm ready to take on this adventure of sacrifice, trust, poverty, miracles, refining, and all of the learning that will take place about myself and my God.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 5:3-12

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

James 1:2-4