Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Revolutionary

It’s growing old. I’m getting tired.
All youthful naivety has fled,
Leaving behind a fervent cynicism & desperate hope to overcome it.
If I am a part of the Bride, the Body,
What happens when I begin to resent my own arm, leg, eye, mouth?
Confusion is a daily battle as I’m constantly left in wonder as to what I’m supposed to do or where I’m supposed to be.
Unsure whether to fight or flee.
What once was a place of peace and rest now stirs up apprehension in my heart.
I know there is a place for the broken, the fixed, the sinner, the obedient, the faithful, & the struggling.
But what about a place for the different?
Is there a place for me?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Changes in the Journey

Life has been very strange lately. My husband lost his job a couple of months ago and has since decided to go back to school rather than pursue another dead-end full time job. As you can imagine this changes things. We are now living off of one salary, with a little help from unemployment. I am thankful for my job and the ability for Noah and I to take classes for free, but I must be honest, its wages are inconsequential. It's funny how most people imagine themselves in situations where they have to make it work and they know that if they had to they could. Well, we are choosing to make it work rather than continue the same pattern of empty jobs. I have found that there is almost a greater sense of freedom when you have to make it work, but when you choose this lifestyle you take on the responsibility of your decision. Ultimately, what keeps me feeling free in this choice is that I think it is wise for Noah to get a degree in something that stretches and fulfills him and I know that God will provide for us in all circumstances. I am actually excited to see the many ways in which His provision will be shown.

Another opportunity that Noah and I have been faced with is in giving. We have always said that we want to give in our riches and in our poverty. We are now able to practice the latter and test the words that were so easy to speak and believe. It's amazing how when you honestly view your things as not your own they have no control over you. What you once feared to lose you now would freely give away. No doubt, this journey will be arduous and challenging, but I'm excited and, for perhaps the first time in my life, change is welcomed.