Thursday, February 19, 2009

Tension is a Passing Note

The following are lyrics from a Sixpence None the Richer song titled Tension is a Passing Note. The chorus of these lyrics fit exactly what my previous post, Beauty in the Tension, is referring to. God's process of bringing us to a beautiful place is painful and confusing, but there is nothing greater than having to learn to trust Him more.

do I murder when I forget you from afar
too drunk on the poison of endless roads and the countless smokey bars

but tension is to be loved
when it is like a passing note
to a beautiful, beautiful chord

do I murder us putting pavement in my veins
shooting in special heroin for the seeking and displaced

but tension is to be loved
when it is like a passing note
to a beautiful, beautiful chord

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors...

Then Peter came to Him and said, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. --Matthew 18:21-22

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." --Mark 11:25-26

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. --Colossians 3:13-15

Who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me. Then will I be blameless, innocent of great transgression. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. -- Psalm 19:12-14

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Beauty in the Tension

I have really been struggling lately with anxiety. There isn’t one big thing that I am anxious about, just lots of little things that are adding up in my world. I go throughout my day continually feeling panic as if I have forgotten something or missed something important. There may be no rational reason for the panic but I feel it, over and over again. I started thinking about why I get in these states of anxiety and where they come from. I’m beginning to realize that they come, at least for me, when I am experiencing the tension before a change.

For those who know me, you know that I have never been one who enjoys the process of change. I can appreciate it after I have gone through it and see the outcome, but going through it terrifies me more than anything. Perhaps it’s because I over think everything, analyzing every possibility repetitively until I’ve exhausted myself. I am the opposite of carefree.

I feel like, for some reason, God is allowing me to remain in the tension that takes place before a change occurs. I believe He is teaching me to not only trust in Him for security, but also to do something that I don’t know I have ever truly done…be led by His Spirit. Don’t get me wrong. I have pursued God and His will, but I can’t say that I have made many everyday life decisions based off the Spirit’s leading. This may sound terrible for someone who is a Christ-follower, but when I really think about it I make most decisions based on whether I can justify them in my own mind, whether they are what I have always been taught, whether I have the approval of others, etc… I feel like if I was really making even smaller life decisions based on the leading of the Holy Spirit then I would not be so comfortable. I would definitely be giving up more than I am now. My “sacrifices” are only what I feel fit within my comfort level. God is changing me, and frankly, I’m scared of what He is going to ask of me.

In Shane Claiborne’s book, Irresistible Revolution, he mentions two men who were talking about their salvation experiences. The one man told the other that when he got saved everything came together and became right. The other man replied said that when Jesus came into his life, He completely tore his world apart and messed everything up. I have more or less always felt like the first man, and am now realizing that maybe that is because I was living out an “American Christianity” complete with stage productions and an easy-living, God doesn’t want you to suffer (i.e. God doesn’t want you to give up your luxuries) kind of thinking. I am now, for the first time ever, beginning to truly experience the sentiments of the second man. God is ripping my world apart and rearranging everything according to His priorities. It is scary but so needed.

I am excited to see what God does, and what is in store for the future. In that, I am finding beauty in the tension.