Thursday, January 31, 2008

Today at work

In my job I deal with a lot of complaining parents of college students who are many times just calling to vent their frustrations. It can be wearing and frustrating but it can also feel pretty good to be the one to calm them down and give them some information that can help ease their anger. We also deal with parents that are very kind and sweet and have very normal and legitimate questions...those are blessings. Today, I had a very different call from a parent that I was not at all expecting...this mother was calling because she was trying to find out her son's class schedule so she could pick him up because his father had just yesterday passed away. The way she said this lead me to realize that this was not an ill father that they had been expecting to pass, but a tragedy that was completely unexpected and shocking. I was unable to speak for a moment because I was slightly overcome. I felt so aweful that all I could do was transfer her to the Campus Pastor's office and quickly say, "I'm sorry for your loss". Those words sound so meaningless and are empty of all true care and concern, and I felt terrible after I said them. I have no clue who she or her son are, but I had to fight back tears after I got off of the phone with her. I can't imagine getting such news and I pray God never puts me through something like that. Lord, please remain so close to that family and guide them through this terrible tragedy. Help them to grieve in a healthy way and bring them closer together and closer to You. Please be with the son who is probably now hearing the news and wrap Your loving arms so tight around him that he cannot help but to feel a bit of peace even in his mourning. Thank You for being a God that carries us and weeps with us.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Top 5

Movies I've seen recently:
1. Once
2. August Rush
3. Juno
4. Shine (an older movie that I just watched recently)
5. Cloverfield

Movies I want to see:
1. P.S. I Love You
2. 27 Dresses
3. I'm Not There
4. Across the Universe (I still haven't seen it!)
5. Atonement

Things I'm looking foward to this Spring:
1. Getting closer to getting married =)
2. Having bridal showers
3. Getting my bridal portraits taken
4. LOST starting back up (sad that that's in my top 5...I know)
5. Any other GOOD surprises that God brings along

Music I'm listening to recently:
1. The Frames (Glen Hansard)
2. Damien Rice
3. A Fine Frenzy
4. Ray LaMontagne
5. Band of Horses

Things I've dreamed of doing:
1. Play french horn in the orchestra for a broadway show
2. Act in a movie
3. Record a CD
4. Write a book
5. Sing in a band

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I might even fly...

This Saturday I am going to pick up my WEDDING DRESS!!! I am so excited! I can't wait to try it on again, and this time with my veil, shoes, headpiece, and jewelry! I cannot wait to marry Noah; he is incredible! I want to be his best friend and partner for life! We are the greatest team and I always feel stronger when he is around. He encourages me daily and always shows his love for me. I am so blessed. He makes me want to be a better person...I find myself being more encouraging, when I tend to be more negative or critical, and he is the one thing in my life that I feel NO worry over, when, as I've said previously, I worry about everything! He supports me and I him. It is a beautiful relationship...not perfect, but beautiful! The following lyrics are from Sara Groves' song, "Fly", and they describe how he makes me feel everyday:

Oh how the little things
Strengthen my tiny wings
Help me to take on the world
When you love me there's nothing I wouldn't try
I might even fly

Monday, January 21, 2008

Puggles

This is my dog Penny (she's a puggle):


And this is the picture that makes me want more puggles!!

A Simple Solution

Sometimes I forget to stop and think about the many blessings that exist in my life. There has been a lot of junk going on lately and I've really let it affect me. I was either avoiding the subject completely or making myself sick with worry over it. I think I may have come up with a better way to handle this trial that I'm facing...recognize my blessings with my troubles. When I begin to stress and worry, I will try to just think, "Yea, but I've got the greatest fiance in the world", or "This sucks right now, but I've got the love and support of my family and many people don't even have that". Those thoughts allow me to see what all I do have even in the midst of what I'm going through. They reassure me that, just like in times past, I will get through this. Seems ridiculously simple minded, but maybe that's what I need right now rather than trying to overthink everything like I usually do.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Questions on my mind

When we're worried about a very realistic outcome to any given circumstance...does that always mean that we are not trusting God? Is it possible to completely trust God and still fear the pain and hardship of going through trials?

Monday, January 14, 2008

YELLOW

What Your Favorite Color Yellow Says About You:

Wise --- Aware --- Curious
Intellectual --- Logical --- Decisive
Introverted --- Focused --- Driven

I'm not worried about it

Free spirited, carefree, fly by the seat of your pants, lighthearted, uninhibited...none of these words describe me. I would love to be this person who never worries and goes through life only experiencing fun and excitement. To have the adventurous attitude of "rules were meant for breaking!" To be able to not take so many little things in life so seriously and with so much worry...that would be a dream! If you ever hear me say, "I'm not worried about it" you can pretty much guarantee that I am not telling the truth. It’s not that I live my entire life as an uptight, stressed out person who never does anything spontaneous or fun…I just am more of a worrier than most, and that bothers me…of course =)
Unfortunately I tend to be in the habit of caring what other people think way too much…not in the way that I change who I am but in the way that I don’t want to bother or upset them. I know who I am but I also know who I want to be, and that is a well balanced person. I don’t want to be completely carefree but it would be nice to feel it on occasion. I try to make a conscious effort to stretch myself and do things that may make me feel uncomfortable in order to help me grow into this balance. It is difficult to change what comes so natural to me, but if we’re not growing...we’re not living.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Faith, Prayer, and God's Sovereign Will

Lately I've been dealing with the issue of faith and prayer and how these things that we are called to affect or do not affect God. It is difficult for me to really understand their roles in my relationship with God beyond the basic ideas that prayer is communicating with God and faith in Him is crucial to any relationship. That is not really what I am talking about here...I have a hard time understanding whether our faith and prayer have any affect on God other than him being pleased of our obedience in these things. Can we change things by having more faith or praying more fervently? I have trouble finding a balance between our faith and prayer and God's sovereignty, and I think because I have serious struggles with both having faith and a good prayer life I tend to only concern myself with God's will and sovereign plan. I don't know why but praying has always been a real struggle for me. I am good at asking for things and thanking Him for things, but feel totally lost when trying to just talk to Him daily as a friend. I've always desired this, but most of the time feel confused about what to do or say...it seems really silly I know but it's just something that has always been difficult for me. Lord, teach me the balance between faith, prayer, and your sovereign will. Help me take time out of my day to talk to You more, or maybe just to listen to You more. And eventhough it's hard sometimes, thank you for being a God that my simple mind cannot figure out!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

About Me

I have never really blogged before so I guess I will start my telling a little bit about myself. First, I must say that I am in love with my savior Jesus Christ! God has been so amazing to me despite my continual disobedience and unworthyness. He has blessed my life so tremendously and contintues to do so daily. The greatest blessing He has given me is my fiance, Noah, who is truly the greatest man in the world! We are getting married this summer and I sometimes have to remind myself that I am really getting to marry the man that I have dreamed of and prayed for my entire life! He is truly my best friend! I am in school studying to be a professional counselor and I am so excited to see where that will lead me. I want to be able to make an impact on the lives of others and be a listening ear to those who do not have one. Counseling is my passion and what I feel I am meant to do in this world. I also love music; listening to it, singing it, playing it, writing it...I love it all! I have an amazing family who understands and supports me fully and I realize how rare and incredible that is. I am the type of person who is terrible at small talk but craves a deep, authentic conversation. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and no matter how much I may be hurt by someone I long to forgive. My story is not necessarily one of faith or obedience, but one of mercy, forgiveness, and grace.