Mary Closed Her Doors

My husband and I went to Kentucky this past week for his grandmother's funeral. Her name was Mary. Although he and she were never very close, we wanted to be there to show our love and support to the family. It was actually a great week of visiting with the family despite the circumstances.

At the funeral they had many old pictures and documents from his grandma's past...they were beautiful. Unfortunately, it was the first time that anyone in the family had ever seen them. Mary had always refused to allow anyone to see them and would say, "you can see them after I die". In her everyday life, she was very shut off from her family and never allowed herself to have a close relationship with anyone. It was just so sad to think that none of her family knew who she was when she was younger and none of them really knew who she was even before she died.

As my husband, Noah, and I were looking at the pictures that were set in the window sill we came across a playbill. As a teenager his grandmother was in a school play! Noah had no idea that she had ever done anything of this nature and was so pleasantly surprised. If only she had told him about it she could have found out that her grandson also loves acting in plays. I can only imagine what else she hid from the world that could have bonded her to others.

Why do we chose to shut our selves off from the world and even those that are supposed to be closest to us? I know I tend to over-analyze things, but I couldn't help but wonder what or who hurt her so badly that she felt the need to remain so cold and closed off even until her death. What made Mary close her doors to everyone? I pray that this story never becomes my own. I want to live my life fully and experience real community. I hope that I will always be open to loving others and to allowing them to love me.